DEAR CARA DIMASSA, WHY?

Elena Matyas holds permit to move daughter Roxie from Los Angeles County morgue to a crematorium. (Photo: Doug Forbes)

By Doug Forbes

We must do the work that needs to be done to protect the innocent, if not to leave the world a better place for them than we found it, not to leave the world a bitter place as we sow it. We will do everything we can to ensure parents, guardians and communities that every camp is beholden to the law, to the truth and to the highest level of care of our most vulnerable citizens. We must also hold our legislators and our government agencies—who are our employees—to account for their role in preventable outcomes.

Dear Cara:

Life presents ocean-loads of teachable moments. Some of those moments are rather mundane. Others are profound.

Roxie Mirabelle Forbes, my 6-year-old daughter and only child, drowned in your pool last June.

She drowned, Cara.

What could be more impactful for you than a little girl drowning in your pool?

Roxie could not scream for help as she choked on your pool water. And then she could not breathe as that water suffocated her second by second. And then she struggled beyond comprehension to hold on to any grain of life she could.

But she could not hold on. She could not live. And so she died in your pool, not on your pool deck after failed CPR, not in the hospital, not in any other place but the loneliness of her own desperate thoughts, without mommy and daddy, without the world she so adored and without a world that so adored her.

Can you imagine what she thought, what she saw through her dilated pupils as she began to die, Cara? Can you imagine the anguish she felt as there was no hope for her in your pool, while other children splashed about and while your counselors ignored her and while you admittedly remained in your office for reasons beyond logic?

Those were her…last…breaths…in…this…world…that…she…loved. Her light out. Her mommy and daddy and gone. Her time over. She was six, Cara. She was six. My goodness, she was a baby in this big ancient, world.

I imagine that desperation, that slow death, every hour of every day of my new, agonizing life. In fact I am agony. I am loss. I am an iota of what once was an over-the-moon father of a magical daughter named Roxie Belle. Can you imagine what I think as I try to find purpose in life? Can you imagine how I struggle through panic attacks, through grave personal doubts, through my inability to feel my daughter’s legs and arms wrapped about me, her head tucked into the nape of my neck, her breath against my skin, her future in my arms?

This is why I cannot, in any manner, understand why you are behaving as you are, why you are doing what you do, why you have entirely abandoned the most fundamental decency that should define us as human beings, especially during these most profound teachable moments.

I have tried so very hard to forgive you in some way, in any way I can. And yet, turn after turn, twist after twist, you extend one after another reminder of why I should abandon all manner of forgiveness. And why I finally have.

Why, Cara? Why are you doing this not only to Roxie but to communities and to the very tenets of goodness? Why are you lying to thousands of people over and again about both the circumstances and consequences of a little girl’s death? Why do you believe it is acceptable to further endanger people in such a way?

By any and all accounts Roxie was a wonderful young citizen with a smile and a heart and a tomorrow as bright as the sun. Your audacity to dim this light is simply and purely reprehensible.

Every letter, every email you have sent to constituents in greater Los Angeles is one in which you talk about how YOU are still grieving. If you were, you would not be lying, you would not be misleading, you would not be dishonoring. You would be decent and respectful and wholly cognizant of your responsibilities.

Let me read some of the ways you have expressed your delusive grief…

“We are still grieving, but we want to report that the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department has closed its investigation after determining that the incident was in fact an accident." LASD homicide detectives determined that it was not a murder, not criminal. That means you did not set out that day to kill Roxie. And somehow you are elated by this? Somehow you are driven to think this is exoneration of gross negligence? You should understand that, in no way, is that the case. In fact, LASD further unearthed an abundance of evidence that supported just how negligent you and your counselors were. This will be easily proved as you likely already know. Your utter lack of self-awareness is nothing short of shocking.

“It goes without saying that this is a tragedy that has left us all devastated. We are in touch with the camper’s family and ask that you respect their privacy during this difficult time. If you would like to send them a condolence note, please drop it off at camp and we will be sure they receive it. If the family has any specific requests, we will pass them along to you.” This was not a tragedy. This was a preventable death, and you are fully aware of that. We have the same medical documents that you have, the same battery of proof. If you were devastated, why did you lie to these same greater Los Angeles constituents about how Roxie died. It took us months of requesting the cards that you collected, because you resisted sending them. And when we received them, they were opened. You did not pass along any requests. And finally, we did not ask that you be our spokesperson about wanting or needing privacy. In fact, it was the opposite. We wanted answers. And you muzzled us and others who wanted answers.

“It goes without saying that this is a tragedy that has left us all devastated. We realize—and professionals have advised us—that often in the face of tragedy, there is comfort in remaining in a steady routine. Camp will continue on Monday as scheduled.” Again, no accountability. It’s about you and your feigned devastation. How are you devastated, Cara? You are so devastated that you proceeded to send a series of emails to a large group of Los Angeles County constituents replete with a multitude of easily provable falsehoods? And what professionals told you this? And they said that counselors and children and families should just power through a preventable death in your pool? Did they tell you that was a healthy way to go about management of extreme trauma? Do you realize that multiple children were considerably traumatized and that we know about their trauma?

And here is the most overt if not outrageous example of your feigned grief. You sent this email for me to review as my daughter was being placed on life support, as if I were supposed to somehow drop everything to play editor in your damage control effort aimed at your large audience of constituents. This was also not long after your mother Maria had the audacity to ask me in the emergency room, as she clenched my arm, if my daughter had a seizure or hit her head, thereby blaming my daughter for her own death and clearly evidencing just how negligent and inhumane your counselors and you are.

“Hi Elena and Doug,

I want to share the note we are about to send out to parents. 

Please be in touch whenever you can.

—————

We want to inform you about a serious incident that happened at camp this morning.  One of our campers had to be taken by ambulance to Huntington Hospital after an incident in the pool.  

This is what happened.  

Approximately 30 children and 4 Red Cross-certified lifeguards were at the pool.  

The children were all in their designated spots:  steps, shallow end or the deep end. The lifeguards were in their positions:  the chair, the steps, and on the sides of the pool.

The counselor in the shallow end of the pool had just spoken to the child involved, who was in the steps area.

Approximately 10 to 15 seconds later one of our counselors spotted her floating on the surface of the water near the steps.  A lifeguard grabbed her and started CPR, while another called 911. We also used our camp Automated External Defibrillator (AED). 

Paramedics arrived quickly and transported the camper to Huntington Hospital.”

At this time we do not have an update on the child involved.  We have been to the hospital.  Her parents are with her.  We ask you to pray for the family.”

The other issue is that your email is rife with lies. Your counselors had no idea how many children were in the pool. We have tapes that prove how each of them answered differently, one saying as many as 40 children. You know you also lied about the occupancy of your pool to the homicide detectives. Your “lifeguards,” which we now know are irrefutably unfit for such responsibility, were not in their designated spots. Your chair “lifeguard” admitted to not being in his chair. Two of your other “lifeguards” had wholly conflicting accounts of where they were. And you forgot to mention that none of these “lifeguards” saw Roxie floating dead. It was a counselor outside the pool that saw her. Not one “lifeguard”—on tape—said it was 10-15 seconds later. In fact, their admitted times of neglect ranged from 45 seconds to five minutes.

But you could not let it go, could you, Cara? You had to protect yourself and your reputation. You repeatedly said to a Los Angeles community that it was your first such incident in your history, as if the killing of one child were some sort of acceptable quota for summer camps. You could have simply said, “A child drowned in our pool today. We do not yet know the status after the child was transported to the hospital. We are making every effort to find out how and why this happened. We pledge full transparency. And we want you to know that we respect any decision that you make in the wake of these events. Please feel free to pick up your children or know that we will facilitate any transportation arrangements you may need. The family is at the hospital. We will await to learn about what they wish to disclose.”

Cara, we have document after document, audiotape after audiotape, expert analysis after expert analysis, preposterous explanation after preposterous explanation from your counselors. And from you.

We are in no way trying to be hyperbolic. We have your emails, your letters and your additional correspondence that not only evidence lie after lie, but we also now have other evidence which proves how you withhold information and attempt to manipulate people, authorities and the government, whether that be the Department of Social Services, the Los Angeles County Department of Public Health, the Los Angeles Sheriffs Department Homicide Bureau et al.

We know about how you have now pulled your Pre-K program from your website as an attempt to evade the Attorney General’s current lawsuit against you. We know how you withheld pool violation information (9 offenses) from the Department of Social Services and from your camp parents. We know how you falsely advertised that you only enrolled school-age children, not Pre-K, during your winter camp to mislead Child Care Licensing after they determined you were operating illegally. We know that you effectively called a DSS inspector a liar. We know that you did not have an actual swim log book to adequately monitor children in the pool—children like Roxie. We know you that you misled people about your pool occupancy. We know that, per your own counselors, you did not retrain, suspend or otherwise dismiss staff after Roxie drowned. We know that you changed your swim policies, apparently because you recognized the impact of your grave deficiencies. Nonetheless, you never admitted to them. We also know about the serious issues with your longtime “lifeguard instructor.”

And we want you to know that a number of people have come forward to reveal something so monstrous that it is hard to even type. They said that you told your voluminous parent community that Roxie died due to her health issues. We now possess documents that prove this, documents that you authored. Roxie’s heart was great, her immune disorder was in full check and her motor skills were rocking and rolling with the passing of every day. She was a pretty damn normal kid who simply could not yet run or jump as fast as other kids. Although, it was only a matter of time that she would.

Remember, she drowned in your pool, Cara. Nothing else. Perhaps you need to reread the coroner’s report that says so. Or the doctor’s reports. Or the first responder reports. The only remaining mystery is why you let that happen and then covered up the facts. However, we solved that mystery months ago.

And don’t think for a second that all we know is simply a matter of our attorneys doing their jobs, which both women do brilliantly. I know a little bit about being a journalist too. And I am and will forever be a pitbull on a pant leg—one who will never, ever give up the fight for the truth, especially as long as the matter at hand involves my baby or any children where it concerns the efforts of our foundation to protect them.

Since Roxie died in your pool, I have been in library and courthouse basements reviewing microfiche, county and state records departments pulling documents and making successful public records requests, and office after office meeting with the governor’s team, senate teams, assembly teams, senior health and safety gatekeepers, the mayor, county supervisors, city councils and as many people as I can to fight for not only my girl but for other children who deserve the very best that we adults can give them.

As a former decades-long Los Angeles Times “writer and editor,” you should know about accountability. Did you not demand that accountability during your career? Was that not required of you by the paper? Does your Department of Justice attorney-husband not expect that of you and the two of you during this profound teachable moment? What exactly is he saying about your handling of this matter? About the battery of lies? He is a Department of Justice attorney, Cara.

And don’t your very own children expect your utmost honesty, dignity, integrity, empathy and humanity as you expect that of them? You’ve been quite clear in your claims of commitments to All Saints Church and to your community. So how do you explain yourself in that context? How do you explain this inhumane comportment?

One more note about inhumane. I am currently taking a class called Exploring Digital Media. As a graduate student in a master’s of journalism program, this class requires me to mine and express a theme using a variety of means, including photos, video and audio. I chose to face the hardest educational if not psychical challenge of my life—to creatively explore my despair in the wake of Roxie’s preventable death so that it might lead me toward catharsis.

I have visited the exterior of your camp 2-3 times for the sake of taking photographs that will begin to tell my story of my torment and how I hope to come out on the other side so that I do not feel as if I am drowning day in day out.

A few days ago, I was scouting my final photo assignment. I was not parked in your spaces. I was not on your campgrounds. I was outside the gate. No children in sight. No camp operations in view. The place was empty.

And then you just happened to pull up.

As soon as you said, “Can I help you,” you realized who I was, you smirked awkwardly and you circled around me. I said, “If you could get my daughter back, that would be helpful.”

And that was the end of our exchange. I walked away toward my car and waited for you to leave. But that was not the end of it, was it, Cara? You called the police.

Little did I know that there is some sort of right of way restriction. Cars pass through that road all the time. My attorneys did not know that either. The police admittedly and justifiably seemed confused too.

The police and I agreed that I could take photos in a lower area of the road. They apologized. And they left. I went to my car to review some course requirements for the photos I had to complete. And I never left the area in which I promised to remain. Less than 10 minutes later you sent the police back. First off, how did you know I was still here? Someone was clearly assisting you, because you told us you did not have any surveillance cameras other than on a few hundred yards away from where I was.

This time the police weren’t happy about your call. They said I did not do anything wrong and that I had every right to be where I was. They apologized to me again. They were professional. They were kind. And then your attorney further harassed me by sending an email which I received through our attorney.

The police came from a station only a few miles away. I know that station, because that’s where my wife and I dropped off platters of food for them on Christmas Eve as a way to thank them for their courage and for doing everything they could the day that Roxie died. We did the same that Christmas Eve for the heroic firefighter first-responders who were also there the morning Roxie drowned at your pool. It’s the least we could have done. All of these folks faced a terrible reality that morning at your camp, and all of them expressed how they have since been haunted by what they saw.

But you? You chose to instead use these same police for a wholly different purpose: to suffocate me, to harass me. And you did so twice. Because you can. Not because you should. You do such things to prove something. To somehow leverage such wasteful, inhumane acts in order to eclipse the truth. To somehow win something. But what are you trying to win, Cara? This is not about winning. This is about us losing. And this should have been and could have been about compassion during the most profound teachable moment.

My wife and I talk all the time about how we would have acted if you and your husband traded places with us. We would have shut down the camp immediately, unlike you who kept it open every moment of every day after Roxie died and unlike you who mandated that parents not pick up their children early after the preventable, traumatic death of a little girl, because you wanted to “keep the day as normal as possible,” per your email to the greater Los Angeles community. How would your church and your friends feel about that behavior?

We would have immediately admitted to our accountability were we found to be responsible after an investigation. We would never have lied about any circumstance leading to or after the drowning. You repeatedly and continually lie about the facts and about your accountability. We would have implored you to say what you wanted to say publicly as long as it were truthful. You tried to muzzle us, Cara, and you know it, and we can prove it.

And finally, we would fully understand that our livelihood was likely over were we to be found responsible. We would work with you, should you want that, to make things as right as they could possibly be so that other children did not suffer the same outcome that your child suffered.

But this is not the reality that we live in, is it? It most certainly is not your reality.

We have truth on our side, Cara. We have facts on our side. We have logic on our side. And we have a multitude of wonderful if not remarkable people by our side.

Make no mistake, I am broken. But I am far from beaten. You have made it abundantly clear that self-preservation, reputation management and asset protection are paramount. You have pleaded with folks like Joan to leave positive Yelp reviews in the wake or Roxie’s death — who does such a thing? You have pleaded with others to rejoin your camp community by feeding them lies—we have this documentation in our possession too.

In fact, everything we possess will be made public as soon as allowable, which will be very soon. Trust us, you can line up every lawyer, you can send every email you wish, you can tell any story that you want to tell. But again, the truth and the facts and the documents and the testimony will not allow you to come out on the right side of this, Cara. You had your chance in this profound teachable moment, and you burned it to the ground.

I am not a religious guy. But I am now infinitely drawn to this old adage: “The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he (or she) didn’t exist.”

When I remember my daughter’s ebullience, the glow in her beautiful azure eyes, I think about how little ones in general have the opportunity to deny devilish behavior were they just given the right examples by us adults. You are anything but the right example, regardless of your unconscionable campaign to convince the world otherwise.

Shame on you, Cara. Shame on your husband too. Do what’s right. Do it for a little girl that should be in my lap right now. After all, Cara, Roxie drowned in your pool. She drowned…in…your…pool.